If you are ever offered a full day city tour for less than what a Happy Meal costs.... just don't do it.

I'm first going to mention that everyone was extraordinarily nice. The guide was great, I met a guy from HP and another from SAP. I saw some pretty cool things and I also saw a side of Bangalore that I'm sure isn't on the tourism website.

First things first. The saying no matter how you look at it, still applies. "You get what you pay for". 4 digit dinner at The French Laundry. Yup, pretty fantastic. $6.25 city tour of a city in a third world country? Not so much.

The website advertises air conditioned buses. Yes, I'm sure the bus had air conditioning when it was new....30 years ago. At least it had sliding windows....that were broken. I drank my 2 liters of water I brought with me within the first 3 hours. Unfortunately, it was a 13 hour tour. A 13 hour tour (that's in my best Gilligan's Island theme song voice). I'm pretty sure I sweated off at least 5 pounds. I seriously considered calling the hotel to pick me up and going back to sleep. I just did not want to get back onto that bus. I was also the only non-Indian which was fine. A few spoke English including the guide. English apparently is the "world's language" as he called it.

We visited 3 temples, 1 was pretty amazing, the zoo/safari park, the national gallery, and the planetarium. Definitely not places I think of when I want a tour of a city. The royal palace? Nope. Botanical gardens? Not this time. Dammit this was going to be a long ass day.

I wore a skirt today.

The first temple we visited, no shorts were allowed (that was not on the tour description) so I had to put on a sari like thing. Pared with my LinkedIn purple squirrel hoodie and bare feet (also required) and I looked studly. BUT, I got to witness a real temple ceremony. The dancing, the singing, it was pretty incredible. Sadly, no cameras were allowed. You actually have to go through a metal detector going in and check your shoes and cameras at the door.

The next 2 temples I didn't bother to go in since I didn't want to take my shoes off again. Then we left for a 45 minute drive out to a 130,000 acre wild animal park/zoo. It's the largest in South India. I'll post pictures shortly. Everyone knows I love animals so this was the highlight of the day. Along with the lowlight.

I bought my ticket for the safari portion and was immediately ushered to the front of the line. Then I was given the front passenger seat in the van. The van held 30 people so I accepted the front seat knowing it was going to cost me in a tip. After the safari the guide says to me. "you like?" "give tip?" I said yes and thanked him for letting me cut the line and giving me probably the best seat in the van. So I give him 500 rupees and he looks at it and says "give me one more." I say no. Then he says "Your glasses, how much do they cost?" I say $200 US. He says "I like them. I want them." By then I'm starting to get pissed. This guy has got some fucking balls on him to ask for more money and now for my sunglasses. I tell him "12,000 rupees". He says "I'm just kidding..."
followed by 10 seconds later "can I have them?" I say no and exit the van.

Then he follows me back to the gate and says "give me 1 US dollar. I collect dollars from all over." I say no. He says "just 1 dollar." So I say "ok, give me back the 500 rupees I gave you and I'll give you a dollar." He smiles and says "okkkkk" and I have the dollar firmly in my hand and I'm pointing to his shirt pocket where I know he has the 500 rupee note but he's not making a move to take it out. I say "give me the 500 rupees first". Again he smiles and says "okkk" without making any move to take it out of his pocket. So I fold up the dollar and put it back into my wallet and he grabs my arm and says "just give me 1 dollar. It's only 1 dollar." I pull my arm away and tell him again VERY sternly. I'm also about 5 inches taller than he is and probably 50 pounds more. "GIVE ME THE 500 RUPEES I JUST GAVE YOU AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE DOLLAR." At this point he can see I'm super fucking pissed off so he backs up and says "thank you thank you" and leaves. By then I'm was at wits end and rethinking the whole tip thing I was struggling with only one day before. I almost gave the dollar to a beggar who was trying also to get the dollar just because. Instead I went back to the van and sat in the sweatbox for 45 minutes alone waiting for the rest of the group to return also calling the hotel to schedule my pick up.

The next leg of the tour was a 45 minute drive back to the city which allowed me to cool off (figuratively, not literally since we were still in the oven bus). Then we stopped for a quick lunch at a roadside restaurant. I can report no upset stomach here folks! Though I was dying to drink the visibly cold water they served but didn't dare do it. Next came the national gallery, which I didn't enter since Indian's paid 10 rupees and non-Indian's had to pay 150 rupees. So I sat on a bench on the grounds just enjoying the relatively cool, still stinky polluted air. The guide came over to join me so he asked where I was staying, how long, etc. I told him where I was staying and he said, "call them and tell them to pick you up at 5:15 from the planetarium. it's very close to Indiranagar." So I did exactly that. The tour was supposed to end at 8 about half an hour from my hotel. Now, I'd be getting picked up 2 hours and 45 minutes earlier. The traffic would be worse at 5:15 so it still took 30 minutes to get back but it meant I could relax for the rest of the evening. The first thing I did when I got back was drank a full liter of water in 1 go. Then another half a liter.

When I get home to the US, I'm just going to get a cup of ice and watch it melt. 

"Acceptable" vs. "Right": A Moral Dilemma

Now onto a much more serious topic. At least in my opinion.

India is a very poor country. Probably the poorest I've seen in my travels and I've only been here 4 days. There are poorer countries in Africa but much of it is in the more remote regions that don't get the general attention and number of tourists that India does.

I booked an all day tour of Bangalore for tomorrow. It starts at 7:15am and ends at 8:00pm. I'm going to be driven around in an air conditioned bus by a driver and tour guide to see some of the more interesting sights of Bangalore. The total price for this level of service? Get ready now...

$6.25 USD.

And tipping is not allowed since it's sponsored by the tourism board.

My McDonald's lunch today for a sandwich, coke, and fries?

$3.33 US. Super-sized.

I did a lot of research before I came about the proper etiquette for tipping. Most websites and forums said 50-100 rupees for GOOD SERVICE.

50 rupees is $0.81 USD.

Here lies the moral dilemma. What is acceptable vs. what is right? The average per capita income a MONTH in India is 5729 rupees a month. Or $93.06.

So is the acceptable thing to do pay tips in the amounts that society has deemed appropriate based on the value of the dollar? Or the disadvantage the tipee is at being they are the one who has to provide the service? Knowing they have to provide excellent if not stellar service just for the shot at a small pittance. Is the right thing to do try to help those who are simply trying to make a living by being a little more generous, still without putting one in financial distress?

I find myself struggling with this since ask anyone who knows me, I am a generous person. I've done well in life and recognize that most everyone else is simply trying to do the same. Except those lazy bastards who just sit around and expect good things to happen to them. They can kiss off.

Case in point. My driver who picked me up from the airport on Wednesday. Nice, professional, well-dressed man. He admitted he isn't well educated and his English is spotty. But he's putting his 11 year old daughter in private school so she'll hopefully have a better life than he has. During our chit-chat, I asked him how many more pick ups he has? He said none. I was his last. It was 9 in the morning. I asked him how long his shift has been? He said 13 hours. He had been at it all night long. So I asked him why he took my pick up? His answer: "I saw you were American. American's tip better."

I gave him 500 rupees ($8.12 USD) for a 48 minute drive.

He looked at it. Extended his hand for me to shake. Thanked me. Thanked me again. Then rolled down his window to wave and thank me again after he unloaded my luggage. That was probably more than he made all night.

Did I do the right thing though?

In my mind, yes. I can afford $8 and I'm certain he can use the 500 rupees. But am I setting him up for disappointment by other travellers who might not be so generous? The ones who might give him 50 or 100 rupees or maybe nothing for shuttling them all over Bangalore? As far as I'm concerned, if someone can get me where I want to go safe and sound, especially in the driving conditions here, $8 is a small price to pay for my life. I think most people would agree once they put it into that context.

But the question still remains.

Where is the line between socially acceptable and morally right?

A stroll around my hood

If you read my post below this, you'll know I took a leisurely stroll around my area in search of a few things. 1) an ATM machine. I've still got plenty of rupees courtesy of my mom (it was my Christmas present) but they are in rather large denominations (500 and 1000 rupee notes) so wanted to see if the normal ATM gave out anything smaller. 2) a grocery store. The room comes with a complimentary large bottle of water that I have yet to drink so I have 3 at my disposal now and I managed to steal, take some of the bagged snacks they had at work but just like foreign McDonald's, foreign grocery stores are just as fun. 3) the aforementioned McDonald's.

I am living off 100 Feet Road in Indiranagar. I'm going to call it the Beverly Hills of Bangalore... minus the celebrities, nice cars, and overall cleanliness. Make a left out of my hotel, go down about a hundred yards, make another left, walk another 50 yards, and you're on 100 Feet road. On one side of the street is this little gem, a Guess store next to a what I'm pretty sure is a knockoff Apple Store.

Next to that is a bank with a broken ATM (not helpful) and right next to that is the staple of any high class area.

Of course the flavor that sounded the best to me, Pomegranate, was out so I got Green Apple instead.

Next to that is a ING branch with a working ATM (Whoop whoop!). ATM's in India are self contained in glass enclosures with a security guard watching over it. Only 1 person at at time can go in so when it was my turn, I panicked since there was a line behind me and I knew 1000 rupees wasn't enough so entered the next number that came to my mind. 10,000 rupees. That's $162.43 US if you're counting. That should last me for a LONG time. BUT, it came out in 500 rupee notes. DOH! 

To put into perspective how much 10,000 rupees is... The average PER CAPITA income in India is 5729 rupees a MONTH. 

So there I am, with a stack of bills an inch thick, trying to think of what I should do. The people outside can see I'm done at the machine. I didn't want to take off my backpack and try to stuff the wad of cash into a pocket risking dropping any. So I did what any moron would do, tried to hide it under my shirt. I'm sure that didn't look conspicuous. I left the safety of the ATM kiosk and walked out onto the street still not knowing what the hell I was going to do with this wad of cash. Eventually I just shoved it into my cargo pocket in my shorts and zipped it closed. Imagine a pocket stuffed full of kleenex. Then I continued on my merry way knowing I still had the grocery store and McDonald's to find. 

Continue down the road and you'll find another staple of American yuppieness, CPK. Followed by a KFC, Pizza Hut, Ray Ban Store, Oakley Store, Levi Store, Puma Store, the list goes on. 

If it wasn't for the terrible sidewalks, the incessant honking, eye-burning pollution, the male beggar wearing a dress accosting a street vendor for not giving him enough money, and the occasional cow in the way, I would think I was at Santana Row. There's even the customary British Expat bar around the corner.

I never found the damn grocery store despite using my GPS. It kept running me around in circles. so I gave up after about 30 minutes. But to close the afternoon, I spotted a car I'd never seen before while eating my green apple Pinkberry. 

That orange thing, my friends, is a Tata Nano. Also known as the "Cheapest Car in the World". The base model starts at $2689.16 US. No, I didn't leave out a zero. It's $2700 for a brand new car. 

I want one. 

McDonald's India... Mind and taste buds blown

I'm not going to lie... eating at a McDonald's internationally should be a sport. It's often downright delicious and WAY different from the crap we have in Micky D's back home. I call it crap because it's the healthy thing to say, but I still eat there from time to time. 

I've eaten at a few McDonald's around the world including Norway, China, Turkey, and now here in India. Obviously every location poses different problems for McDonald's but they've seen to adapted quite ok.

On Thursday evening on the way back from work to my hotel, I noticed there was a McDonald's about a mile away. I decided today to walk down to it along with find an ATM as well as a grocery store. Well, I never found the damn grocery store. Despite having my phone with GPS.

The McDonald's on the other hand, I was determined to find.

Sure enough. After about 1,340 steps or 8/10 of a mile (again, thanks Lisa for the FitBit), I found it. Now what stood out about this McDonald's from others? Aside from the security guard at the door of course? Well, you see those stairs on the left and right? Those lead up to take out counters. They also have what's called McDelivery where a man on a motorcycle will deliver to your home, not so piping hot McDonald's.

I went in because I was curious to see what the menu would consist of. Cows are sacred animals in India so would they cater to the occasional Westerner who might stumble upon this place of western glory or would they be respectful of the local custom?

Wellll, they did a little of both? There's no beef. It's been replaced by chicken patties. But forget the sandwiches for now. You can get a COKE ICE CREAM MCFLOAT! Or a "Brown Cow" as we call it. Though now I see why they didn't call it a Brown Cow. You can also get a Sprite McFloat, Fanta McFloat, or an iced coffee McFloat. Just feast your eyes on these!

So awesome.

I almost was on the verge of ordering one of everything just to taste but I thought I might get some looks so instead ordered the "Chicken Maharaja Mac". When I ordered, I was asked if I wanted "the burger". My eyes got big and said YES! Little did I know that just meant chicken, not veggie.

You can get any sandwich either with chicken patty or with "potato and pea" patty. It looks like a falafal and I'm sure it's delicious.

I went with the chicken patty. It's basically the same as a Big Mac. How does the jingle go again?

It's fantastic. The sauce is spicier than the Thousand Island type dressing on the Big Mac. They call it "Smokey Sauce".

I wonder if it's still considered a workout if I walk a mile back and forth to eat at McDonald's? If not, well dammit, it should be. 

We were flying straight into it, but I'll bet this sunrise over India was spectacular

There are cock ups and then there's what happened to me today

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE UNEDITED FOR EFFECT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. (at least it's not about poo)

I've clearly been watching too much Top Gear since I'm using the term "cock ups" to describe a mistake. Unfortunately, the only other term for what happened today is "COLOSSAL F**** UP" so "cock up" seemed like the best alternative option.

It also just occurred to me that it's 3pm here and I'm still awake. I guess waking up at 3:45am hasn't hurt me yet. Thanks for nothing jetlag.

Ok, back on track.

I woke up bright and early...

Actually no, that's not true, let me try again...

I woke up in the middle of the fricking night excited to start the day. My backpack was all ready to go with what I thought I would need (I haven't needed any of it yet), spruced up the apartment a bit so it didn't look like I was a total slob, and............................. logged in to do some work since it was 3 hours before breakfast was served.

I caught up on e-mails. Chatted with some friends on Gchat. Got asked about 8 times why I was up.....

Then finally went up for some breakfast and coffee. The little hotel is quite nice. It's not the biggest place in the world but perfectly adequate. I'll post some pictures later. I will have to in the next day or so after what happened soon after that is going to cut into my stay.

I took a nice hot shower, got dressed, and went down to catch my ride to the office. The driver had the address I provided so he confirmed it with me and we were off. A nerve rattling 10 minutes later we arrived and he dropped me off at the building with the big LINKEDIN sign. I thanked him, gave him 100 rupees ($1.62 US) and got out and he took off.

I walked inside and headed towards the elevator. Then I noticed the sign for LinkedIn was on the ground floor. Uh oh...

I knew from this photo album that there was a balcony. Office on the ground floor? Radioactive alarms going off in my head. So I walk around the ground floor, strangely aware that there is NOBODY here. There is an office for Yahoo right across the lobby. Nobody going in. It was 8:45am. SURELY someone is going to work at this time. I thought only American hi-tech workers arrived at 10. I find the door for LinkedIn and it's locked and all the lights are off. I start thinking "what day is it? Is it a holiday? Monday is a holiday in MV but I checked and it's not here. Where is everybody?" I call the number on the door for the lone security guard who was off somewhere. 5 minutes later he comes back and I tell him I'm from Mountain View, it's my first day in that office, where is everybody?

His reply: "They moved".

FUCK. <-- Sorry. This is unedited to try to remotely describe my train of thought at the time.

FUCK. <-- No. Not a typo. Again trying to put the enormity of the cock up into perspective.

How might have this happened? Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, I'm not going to point any fingers but it's Stefani's fault. :)

When I accepted the assignment, Stef offered to help with some of the logistics including sending me the business address of LinkedIn she used for her Visa application, etc. The ONLY problem is between the time when she was here in November and now, LINKEDIN MOVED.

The nice little security man gave me a fortune cookie fortune sized piece of paper with the new address on it. I looked at it and didn't recognize it AT.ALL. I had never seen that address before in my life. So I asked him "How far?"

He looked at me, thought about it for a second and replied "7-8 kilometers." (it wasn't 7-8 kilometers)

FUCK.

My ride already took off. I had no idea where this new complex was. No idea where to catch a cab. No phone numbers to call.

So I started walking. Back down the road of the Bagmane Technology Park. A few thousand cars passing me. A few hundred people walking. There I was the lone person walking in that direction. I passed Juniper Networks, Texas Instruments, Intuit. I stopped at every security station and asked if they knew where I could catch a cab. They all said no. I asked a Tuk-Tuk driver. He said no. I asked a shuttle car service. He said no. So I kept walking. Number of seconds til I'm over this shit and ready to go back to the hotel (less than 60). 1.8 miles later (thank you Lisa for the FitBit) I found a taxi station with a few taxis with drivers taking naps. I asked one. He said he didn't know the location. I asked another and he said "I know it sir." "Can you take me there?". "Yes sir". So I got in. It was 9am.

India Traffic.

It's mental. People have MAD skills here. I honestly cannot believe cars aren't bouncing off each other. I'll take a video the next chance I get when my eyes are actually open and I'm not holding on for dear life. Here's a map to show how far off I was. A is my hotel. B is the old office and C is the new. By the way, that's 18 kilometers.

18 kilometers at 9am India traffic meant I got to the new office at 10:30am. Way to make a great impression Chan. Show up an hour and a half later than I wanted to.

On the plus side, the team here is amazing. They are all friendly and helpful and they all laughed and said "ohhh shittttt" when I told them why I was late.

Once I got settled I e-mailed the relocation vendor to see if there are other housing options that are closer and thankfully there are so I'll check back in soon with an update on that.

I also e-mailed my hotel since they arranged to pick me up from the old office and return me to the hotel so I had to give them the new address or else I'd be stuck here too.

Speaking of which I just got the email confirmation that the driver will pick me up here. Unfortunately that means 18 more kilometers of fear to get back home.

Did I mention that the office DOES have a balcony. 4 actually.

Killing time in Dubai

For the 2nd time in a year and a half, I'm in the lovely Emirate of Dubai. The land of opulence and unbearable humidity. I am killing off an 8 hour layover before my final leg to Bangalore.

A lot of our impressions of Dubai were revealed the last time we were here. This time around, it's eerily quiet in the airport. Maybe people are still getting over their Holiday travel?